When Hurtful Events Occur In Romantic Relationships

The closeness of romantic relationships is an important indicator of relationship quality,and it is closely associated with individuals' mental health.However,relationship closeness is vulnerable to internal threats in the romantic relationship.The current study focused on a common internal threat,namely hurtful events.After the occurrence of a hurtful event,individuals tend to suppress their approach relationship goals,thereby reducing their perceived closeness to their partners.Hurtful events in romantic relationships are inevitable,and what matters is how to respond in a more adaptive way.Previous studies found that self-compassion helps individuals to deal with negative events in a more self-reassuring way and it plays a positive role in romantic relationships.Thus,the current study aimed to examine after the occurrence of a hurtful events,whether self-compassion protect relationship closeness by mobilizing a coping strategy(i.e.self-reassurance)and promoting approach relationship goals.Study 1 used a paradigm of recalling hurtful events and recruited 275 participants currently involved in romantic relationships,preliminarily providing evidence that selfcompassion could have a positive indirect effect on closeness through increasing approach relationship goals after the occurrence of hurtful events.To further explore the exact mechanism of how self-compassion protects a relationship,especially how it promotes individuals' approach relationship goals,study 2 added the measure of selfreassurance.Two hundred and eleven participants were recruited.Results demonstrated that self-reassurance and approach relationship goals following hurtful events have a serial indirect effect between the relationship of self-compassion and closeness.Study 3 used experience sampling method,examining the above mechanism in daily hurtful events.One hundred and eighty-three participants were recruited.The results of multilevel serial indirect effects analysis showed that at the between-person level,after controlling for baseline relationship satisfaction,self-reassurance and approach relationship goals following hurtful events have a serial indirect effect between the relationship of self-compassion and closeness;at the within-person level,selfreassurance can positively predict closeness through the mediating effect of approach relationship goals following a hurtful event.Finally,to further explore the actor-partner interdependence effect of the above mechanism,study 4 conducted a dyadic research.One hundred and four heterosexual couples were recruited and repeated the paradigm of imaging hurtful events in study 2.The results of actor-partner interdependent serial indirect effects model analysis showed that,partner effects only exist in the relationship between self-compassion and approach relationship goals,with gender differences.To sum up,the current study conducted four sub-studies with different paradigms and methods,and found that,at the between-person level,individuals with a higher level of self-compassion are more likely to mobilize the coping strategy of selfreassurance,so that they tend to adopt approach relationship goals,thus protecting their relationship closeness;while for a given individual,when he or she can reassure themself more after the occurrence of a certain hurtful event than usual,he or she is more likely to adopt approach relationship goals,thus protecting their relationship closeness.Also,self-compassion can only predict partner's closeness through partner's approach relationship goals.However,gender differences exist in such partner effect,and further studies are needed to repeatedly verify this result and explain the possible causes of the differences.All in all,the findings of the current study extend our understating of the protective role of self-compassion in romantic relationships,and suggest that,to help individuals maintain a satisfactory relationship,we can not only enhance their trait self-compassion,but also teaching them to self-reassure themselves after the occurrence of hurtful events.