| This dissertation presents an existential-phenomenological investigation into the experience of self-loving. Self-loving, as described here, is an experience of self-awareness, self-healing and self-actualization. Self-loving emerges out of a larger life context which includes self-doubt, tension, self-alienation and the routine of daily life. Five subjects were engaged in two in-depth interviews to describe both their "story of self-loving" and an "experience of self-loving." Interviews were tape recorded and transcripts explicated by the researcher using both a hermeneutical interpretive reading of the texts and Husserl's method of free phantasy variation.;The literature review includes psychodynamic, humanistic and transpersonal concepts of self-loving; the development of self-loving; and barriers to self-loving. The findings (results) are presented in two parts--the "emerging dynamics" and the "essential meaning-structure." The findings describe an on-going inner journey to overcome self-alienation, become more self-aware and self-respecting, respond to an inner sense of what is "right" for oneself, and create healthy self-expression, authentic relationships, and a meaningful existence.;The summary of an experience of self-loving is stated in the first person as follows: Self-loving emerges when I experience inner tension, doubt, or conflict and begin to take responsibility for resolving it. I recognize that my taking care of others, trying to live up to external standards, or adopting someone else's perspective is not working for me. I gradually (and sometimes painfully) learn to be more accepting, respectful, and nurturing toward myself. I experience an inner knowing and an inner directedness that differ from my previous ways of knowing and navigating. As I trust and follow this inner guidance, I face dilemmas and crises that clarify what is important to me and who I am. I desire and decide to shed the limiting patterns from my childhood, live in accordance with my deeper values, and express myself authentically. I experience self-loving as an on-going process of finding vitality and meaning in my life by noticing and responding to what is true for me. |
