Narcissism, motives, and emotions: An exploration of the narcissistic paradox

Narcissistic individuals are conflicted about interpersonal relationships and thus struggle with approach-avoidance motives within these relationships, as indicated by the "narcissistic paradox." Specifically, narcissistic individuals are theorized to crave both admiration and "splendid isolation" from the same social interaction partners. These conflicting motives were hypothesized to help resolve D. Paulhus's (1998) finding that narcissistic individuals become less well-liked by peers over time. Participants in the present study were randomly assigned to one of twenty small leaderless discussion groups that met weekly for six weeks. Participants rated themselves on various personality characteristics (including overt and covert narcissism) in the first week and rated the other group members on various personality characteristics at the end of each week. As expected, overtly narcissistic individuals were initially well-liked and not seen as narcissistic by group members, but by the end of the six weeks they were not well-liked and were seen as narcissistic. These changes in peer ratings corresponded to significant increases in competitiveness on the part of narcissistic individuals and decreases in (their already strongly negative motive for) social avoidance. Overt narcissists also demonstrated nonsignificant but meaningful increases in admiration-seeking. Covert narcissists displayed high levels of admiration-seeking and competitiveness throughout the six weeks, as well as strong motives for belonging-seeking and social avoidance. Covert narcissists were not well-liked throughout the six weeks nor were they considered narcissistic by their peers. These findings reveal that overt narcissists become less well-liked over time at least in part because of their changing motives. The changes in motives nicely parallel the narcissistic paradox and demonstrate that narcissists struggle with trying to gain admiration from others and trying to control others socially (to gain supreme leadership or "splendid isolation"). It is this attempt at social control (via competition and social intrusiveness) that seems to be especially distasteful to peers. Covert narcissists attempt social control via belonging-seeking and social ingratiation, but exhibit characteristics that result in lack of acceptance. The findings bridge clinical and non-clinical theorizing about narcissism and highlight the similarities between overt and covert narcissism in terms of the need for both admiration and social control.