| In 2012, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune/auto-inflammatory form of arthritis called ankylosing spondylitis. I had been sick for close to 12 years, but because blood work and other testing didn't reveal any sort of disease process, I was passed from one doctor to the next, told that my symptoms were emotional in nature and related to the depression I struggled with since childhood. Within two months of my diagnosis, I was unable to work and this prompted me to reflect on how I became sick. This thesis explores this question from two perspectives: medicine and memoir. The first considers research on adverse childhood experiences and how they contribute to illness in adulthood. From the second, I present and consider numerous events from my childhood and growing up, reflecting on my experience as a patient and providing glimpses into the daily realities of my illness. Lastly, I include a lexicon of words and definitions which draw attention to, as well as name, all that was un-nameable and unsaid as I was growing up. The end result is a self - case study which explores the many shades of invisibility and silence. |
