| Narratives from in-depth interviews of 20 mothers-in-law and 21 daughters-in-law showed that daughters-in-law narrated concerns when their mothers-in-law were intrusive, when they did not know their mothers-in-law and saw them as strangers, and when they themselves felt as strangers. Narratives of mothers-in-law reflected the tensions that their loved ones were not taken care of, that their daughters-in-law were different from them, and that they were cut out of the family.;Engaging in mutual self-disclosure, communicating openly/directly, accepting differences, giving and receiving tokens and gifts, allowing observation by the in-law, using empathy, pushing the relational connection, not getting involved, self-monitoring, and tolerating intrusion were all productive actions in dealing with the experienced tensions because they escalated the relationship. Angrily avoiding the in-law, stopping interactions, being forceful, taking sides, and not accepting differences maintained the status quo and did not address the tensions. The actions of letting time pass and having the daughter-in-law use her husband as a mediator yielded mixed results since these actions sometimes addressed the experienced tensions while at other times they did not.;In regards to identities, this study found that the 'my me,' 'my you,' 'my your me,' and social identities of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law manifest themselves in such a manner in the in-law relationship that these identities impede the formation of a positive dyad and positive perceptions about each other as in-laws.;Daughters-in-law felt that the major challenges of the relationship were having feelings of being a stranger and having to deal with the intrusions of their mothers-in-law. Being cut out from the daughters-in-law family of choice, engaging in self-monitoring, and knowing that loved ones were not taken care of were three major challenges that mothers-in-law reported, reflecting the previously mentioned tension narratives.;Various addresses were used for mothers-in-law. Daughters-in-law reported overall more taboo topics for the mothers-in-law, and differed in what were considered safe topics for conversations. In addition, daughters-in-law viewed mediated communication for the in-law relationship and the mother-son relationship positively, while mothers-in-law disliked mediated communication. |
