A qualitative analysis of the development, dissolution, and impact of extramarital affairs

The purpose of this study was to increase understanding of the development and dissolution of extramarital affairs and the process of repairing the marriage after an affair. Using a grounded theory approach, themes were inductively derived from the narratives of 15 betrayers who recently had been involved in an extramarital affair and who had chosen to remain married following dissolution of that affair.; Analysis of their narratives revealed the complex, dynamic processes associated with the development and dissolution of extramarital affairs and the impact of affairs on the marriages. Betrayers who were vulnerable due to marital dissatisfaction became seduced into developing an extramarital relationship by the lure of experiencing positive feelings and by the illusion that the relationship was merely an innocent friendship. Betrayers became entrapped in the extramarital affair due to their addiction to the positive emotions, their consuming desire to draw closer to the other person, their increased marital dissatisfaction, and their exaggeration of the extramarital partner's positive traits and the spouse's negative traits.; The disentanglement processes that motivated betrayers to attempt to dissolve their extramarital relationship included disillusionment with the fantasy, increased emotional costs, and/or actions by the spouse or extramarital partner. In describing the process of disengaging from their extramarital affairs, betrayers referred to the failed attempts they had made to end the affair, the act of disclosing the affair to the spouse as a way to end the affair, the construction of communication barriers to promote emotional disengagement, and the use of cognitive restructuring to strengthen one's resolve to remain disengaged from the extramarital partner. After dissolving their extramarital affairs, betrayers experienced feelings of withdrawal, depression, guilt, and shame.; Following the dissolution of the affair, some betrayers experienced improvements in their marital interaction and satisfaction whereas others did not. The primary barriers to marital repair included the betrayed spouse's avoidance or anger, dissatisfaction due to one's elevated baseline comparison level, continued feelings for the extramarital partner, and feelings of hopelessness regarding the marriage. The primary marital repair catalysts included honesty and openness, forgiveness, strategies aimed at meeting each other's needs, time together, and perseverance.